Wreck Me, God.
God is wrecking me right now. Utterly and completely.
He's taking me to new heights of my relationship with Him - new, unknown, uncharted territories of grace to my heart.
One of my favorite authors/bloggers Jen Hatmaker said something I won't soon forget.
In her book 'Interrupted', she says something along-the-lines-of: pray this prayer "God, wreck me". But only if you mean it.
Because prayers are a big deal to God.
He kind of takes us seriously.
So I'm grateful for God's providence that I didn't stumble upon 'Interrupted' until recently.
My heart simply wouldn't have been able to handle the content, and certainly not that prayer.
So, I've been praying that...for the wrecking.
And boy, has He ever!
It's not a shaming, not a wrecking in the sense the world might think, like a disgracing.
Rather, it's a pruning, a chiseling, a growing-more-in-His-likeness.
I'll be the first to admit: I'm not perfect.
People, I am SO far from it, it's not even funny.
And yet, here I am. For some reason beyond my greatest comprehension, God wants to use me.
Little ol' me. The girl with a big mouth, lots of opinions and a way of telling the truth that has left many stung in the wake of brutality.
Not always pretty.
So this wrecking I've been praying (begging God for, really), is a acknowledgement that I don't even know anything about anything.
That my heart needs to break for the things that break His.
And try as I might to appear as if I have it all together , I don't.
He knows it. I know it.
Oh, what a Savior! That He would take me as I am. Quite literally trying to take His place by asserting myself to be more than I am.
Oh, that He loves me, broken and all kinds of messed-up.
Thank you, Jesus.
So, God's been wrecking me.
Faithful to His character, as He cannot be anything but, God is doing the work of wrecking in this heart of mine.
It's painful. It leaves me worn-down, tried and head spinnng most days (I know - where can you sign up, right?).
It's so challenging to be wrecked.
And it's the most beautiful thing all at the same time.
God is doing a spiritual heart surgery on me, in this state of wondering that I'm in.
He's longing to do a new work in me, and I'm so thankful He is.
Oh, how I need for HIm to increase and me to decrease!
When God prunes (more on that later, but essentially the idea of the first portion of John 15), he throws off what isn't beneficial to the believer.
So, whatever needs work, He gently removes. Cleans up with His pure and sinless hands and He does the work of making us more into the likeness of Himself.
He then gives us opportunities (read: challenging circumstances) to grow in these areas.
For me this last month?
Pruning has looked like having opportunities to easily promote myself and letting God keep me quiet.
Pruning has looked like others getting credit for things I've done (again, hard for me).
Pruning has looked like a teething baby.
A flooded crawl space.
A broken dishwasher.
You get the picture.
And in all this, what I am not saying is that this is somehow unfair. Somehow cruel on God's part.
What I am saying is that wrecking hurts. It tears you down.
But, oh! How I long for the refining, ever painful as it is.
Wreck me, God.
There is a song that is just SO my heart right now called "Relentless Pursuit" by Kim Walker. I hope you guys will take a minute to listen and let the lyrics wash over you.
Through Unspeakable Joy,