I can’t wait to have a sister so I can play with her. That way, Landon and Aiden can play together and I can finally have a girl to play with! Boys are crazy. Girls just aren’t as crazy. – Charlotte.
We emailed in paperwork that the adoption agency needs for our foster daughter. Things that we’ve already sent in at some point within the past 4 years, but were needed again for this process: dog vaccine records, car insurance, home insurance, family photo, fire escape plan, copies of drivers licenses, etc.
Now we wait to hear from our foster care worker and when she’s available to come out for the first visit of the home licensing process. She’ll make sure that our paperwork is correct and give us a list of things we either need to change or do for our home like lower the temperature of our hot water heater and get fire extinguishers for various places of our house.
Last night I had a dream that I was giving birth to a baby girl at the same time our foster’s daughter’s mother was. Now, this womb is closed for shop unless the Lord does some super miraculous thing, but it was a crazy dream none-the-less!
I often wonder what the girl who will enter this home not a Loewen and possibly will become one will look like. Will she have jet black or super blonde hair? Brown or blue eyes? Will she be 6 months or 4 years old?
I also can’t help but wonder if the first girl who comes in our home will end up being ours forever or if she’ll be one of three girls that we care for and love on, with changes in the little girl sizes in white drawers with pink handles. I wonder if we’ll use our pack and play again like our lives depend on it or if we’ll never need it again.
There have been super vulnerable moments where I’ve been honest and scared with Jason. I’ve told him that I don’t know if I’m cut out for this. Can I really care for a little girl, having to “give her back” at the end of all this, knowing she’s on loan to us? Can I truly, adequately care for another child, whether from my bloodline or not?
At the end of the day, we’ve decided that, yes, this is the direction that we’re going in; that we don’t have to have it all figured out, feel prepared or even ready for this next chapter.
That we can do it scared, heart and arms open, not knowing what’s to come.
When the time comes, I’ll be sure to let everyone know what we need, as we’re sure to need nearly everything for this sweet little girl.
In the meantime, we’re expectant to what the Lord is going to do in the life of this little girl, her biological family and our family.
With hands outstretched, although trembling most of the time, we’re walking forward in faith knowing that God has promised to never leave or forsake us and He’s certainly not going to start now.
Little girl, we’re so imperfect. But, we’re preparing our hearts for you and are so excited to meet you.